Monday, July 15, 2013

Even to the deepest invisible parts

Even to the deepest invisible parts
"You broke the cup! You should have been careful washing the dishes."
I heard my husband's voice in the kitchen.
When I went there, I saw the cup largely chipped on one side.
If I was the one washing it, I definitely should have noticed since it would've made a large noise while it broke.
But since I couldn't remember, someone else must have washed it.
"Ah! I think Nathan must have done it washing the dishes."
Hearing that, my husband furiously said,
"Don't let Nathan wash the dishes no more!"
Yesterday, I had a terrible migraine.
While I was lying on the sofa, my son said to me,
"Mom, you’ll get cold."
And covering me with a blanket he said,
"Aren't you tired? Take a rest, and I'll do the dishes."
Seeing my 8th grade son washing the dishes, he looked so sweet and I felt so proud of him.
Because of my son, I could take a nap.
I thought I heard a loud noise in my sleep, but I didn't worry because the dishes were very sturdy.
I guess that was when it broke.
I explained the whole story to my husband and asked him for a favor.
"Please forget about this incident. How can I scold Nathan who was so sweet?"
Quietly, I hid the cup somewhere my son couldn't see.
Though he broke a cup, I truly wanted to protect his heart; considering his mother.
When I preach the gospel, I often make mistakes.
What would have happened if God scolded me,
"Don't ever try to preach again, I don't need you for God's work!", whenever I made mistake?
Just like our Heavenly Mother who considers and embraces even our small gifts and hearts, I truly want to be a child resembling Heavenly Mother, understanding my brothers' and sisters' small efforts and hearts; even to the deepest invisible parts.

An Immature Son

Though my family didn't have our cakes baked, we had enough to live.
My parents bought mostly everything that I needed.
Entering 6th grade, I told them that I wanted to attend a supplementary educational institute for my grades.
They allowed me, thinking that I was commendable.
When it was time for me to graduate junior high school, my father said:
"I'm sorry son, but we're bad off. I don't think we can support you with the institute.
How about making a habit of studying by yourself?"
By that time, I had decent grades with the help of the institute.
I just couldn't stand that I couldn't attend the institute no more.
Though I kept on asking him if I could attend the institute, he just kept on apologizing.
Because things didn't go on my way, I left an unhealable scar on my father's heart.
"Dad, how come you can't even send me to an institute? My friends attend many institutes.
I wish I was born in a rich house, why was I born in this house?"
I could vividly remember what he said to me.
"I didn't do much for you, did I? Well, I did my best for you son... I tried my best to give everything what you surely needed. I'm sorry that I couldn't let you have more, more than I have given."
And it's now that I realize that he wanted me to stop attending the institute for a long time.
I remember him passing remarks like, "How about not going to the institute?" or "How about studying by yourself?"
He tried all he could to support my institute’s fee.
It is when I entered high school that he just couldn't possibly support.
He could have said to stop attending the institute from the very beginning, but he couldn't because I had too much desire.
And after bearing many years, he had no choice to tell me that he couldn't support.
Even today, I feel sorry for my father who kept on apologizing.
My father did let me have all that I needed.
There were things that I didn't necessarily needed, but he tried his best to let me have them all.
Though I could receive everything without any effort, I wasn't thankful at all.
I just grumbled that I couldn't have more.
I even had an arrogant thought that it was reasonable that parents had to feed their children's mouth.
Through my childhood memory, God allowed me to see how arrogant I was in heaven, and showed it to me as a shadow, of how much I hurt my Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother's heart.
Just how I didn't thank my parents on this earth, I feel embarrassed that I didn't thank my Heavenly
Parents’ love and grace.
I don't want to commit the same mistake.
From now on, I want to become a child who can give overflowing thanks and joy to our Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother.

Even during times I forgot

Even during times I forgot
Seven years ago, I came to Illinois to work as an intern.
That was about the time I had to graduate from high school.
Seeing new people in an unfamiliar environment surely frightened me.
And every time I had to go through that situation, it was my mom who comforted me the most.
Whenever I was in pain or had hard times, my heart felt much lighter after talking to her on the phone.
As many days have passed, and as I got used to the place, I hardly ever called her.
I rather was frustrated when she called me while I was hanging out with my friends.
I had my cellphone number changed, but because I considered her calls inattentively, I postponed telling my mom my new number.
Then one day, I received a call.
“Hello? Who’s this?”
The person on the phone didn’t reply.
When I was about to hang up the phone, I heard a weeping sound.
“Who’s this? Who are you, and why are you crying on the phone?
“It’s your mom…”
I couldn’t possibly call her “mom.”
“Sweetie, do you know my heart was in my mouth? I thought something awful happened to you.”
With a sobbing voice, she said she was so anxious because she thought something happened to me.
She even called my former dorm prefect, and asked my friends back in my high school, but no one knew my new number.
Asking here and there, she finally got my number and got me on the phone.
I couldn’t say anything because I was so sorry.
Even when I lived without a blink or qualm, forgetting all about her, my mom continuously worried thinking that I might have had an accident or was hospitalized.
Worrying about me, she couldn’t eat or sleep.
And when she managed to fall asleep, she always had nightmares.
Hearing her on the phone, I realized how mean and an immature daughter I was.
I was also a mean and an immature daughter to Heavenly Mother.
Living in this world, I turned away from Heavenly Mother and forgot all about Her, and made her worry extremely.
But She always prayed for me and waited for me to return.
I truly feel so sorry to Heavenly Mother.
I want to stop being a troublemaker and become Heavenly Mother’s joyful daughter; who always listens to Her voice.

Words that I really wanted to tell

Words that I really wanted to tell

My parents had me quite late in their age.

That is why I was embarrassed with them since they were far older than my friends' parents.

Being shameful, I did hurt my parents'hearts many times with harsh words.

I wonder how hurt their hearts would have been with an immature daughter.

Despite of all that, my parents had been through all hardships to send me and my sister to college in narrow circumstances.

Since my father only graduated elementary school, and my mother graduated junior high, they said that they had nothing else but their children.

They always told us to study diligently and not to get into hot water.

Though they didn't want us to worry about money like other ordinary children, they secretly wiped their tears for not being able to make us grow well-off.

As I and my younger sister grew up, my mother did all sorts of work; like working in the fields.

And my father went abroad, to Chile,Russia, Laos, and many other countries, with his skill of making charcoals.

He stayed there shortly for one month, in long-term for many months, and returned home with his income.

While making charcoals, because of the massive heat and light, his skin was darkly burnt.

When there were times when he had serious accidents, we all had our hearts in our mouths.

He said he had difficult times in Russia because of the severe cold weather.

Feeling sorry to see my parents enduring all hardships, I even thought it was better for me to give up my studies and get a job.

But I thought the best way to be filial to them is being diligent with my studies.

With their extreme love, I am now expecting my graduation.

Now that my parents are old, they quit working, and there are no parts of them that's left unscathed.

Nevertheless, they are the ones who worry about me, telling me to stop worrying about them, to take care of myself, and not to skip any meals.

Whenever they say those words, I burst into tears.

Though they are enduring more pain and sufferings, they are always worrying about their children.

How much would our Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother be worrying about Their children?

For me, it is unimaginable.

These days, thinking about my physical parents and Heavenly Father and Mother, I cry like a baby.

Sometimes I move to tears by just hearing the words; "Father," or "Mother."

To my physical parents, I truly want to tell them that I am really thankful to them for raising me up well in difficult situations, and I want to tell them that I love them.

And to my heavenly parents...

Heavenly Father, thank you for finding your children throughout the most painful situation.

Heavenly Mother, thank you for praying and for living a life with your children without a moment of rest.

These are truly the words that I wanted to tell You all.

Washing with my own hands

Washing with my own hands

My hometown is in the countryside.
If I wanted to go to downtown with a bus,it takes good 30 minutes to reach the bus stop.
My parents had a lonely life without any brothers or sisters.
Because of this, they just loved children,and I was the youngest daughter among their eight children.
No matter how tired my mom was with farming, she thought we; her daughters, will always do the housework after we've got married.
So she wouldn't let us help her with the housework at all.
Though I was raised in a farm village, I have never uprooted anything at all.
It was all because of my parents' fervent love.
Before washing machines were commonly in use, there were many neighbors gathering and hand washing their laundry at the well side and the stream bank of the village.
I envied them with a child's mind; when they were hand washing their clothes in suds, next to their buckets full of laundry.
Sometimes I secretly followed my friend and washed some of my socks.
Whenever that happened, my mom scolded me a lot.
I hated her because she never praised me for what I did.
This winter, the cold wave came more frequently than usual.

Constructively, the washing machine couldn't go in the bathroom of our house, and had to be installed in our yard.
When the weather became cold, the washing machine wouldn't work.
By the time my children's laundry piled up,I couldn't ignore but had to wash them with my hands.
In the beginning, I enthusiastically washed them since, it was fun and I felt great seeing clean clothes hanging on the line.
As time passed, my back and shoulders were so sore, and my limbs felt so heavy.
I couldn't help but kept on saying"Ouch!"
The pain was unbearable, so I went to the hospital for physical therapy.
Lying down, when I was treated, I suddenly thought of my mom.
Because I was raising my children, even though sometimes I didn't, I just had to do the housework.
Although it was only for few days in a helpless situation, it was surely strenuous.
I, myself could use hot water, but I don't know how my mom managed to wash all that laundry in a severely cold weather.
Hunkering down and washing those clothes,how much would have her body ached all over?
Her frozen hands must have been so sore...
After having a few days doing the laundry with own hands, I was so thankful and in a way I felt so sorry for not realizing my mom's sacrifice, and for not considering her love.
Even till now, though they are aged, my parents are still working diligently to give out everything for their children.
I feel more anxious when I think of my parents who have lived their entire life, bearing all their hardships just for us.
I eagerly want to deliver them to the arms of Elohim God.

Monday, June 24, 2013

Solely for Her Children

Solely for Her Children

In my childhood, I surely was a troublemaker who was considered as ten naughty children.

Every day I tripped, fell, and broke things around me that I shouldn't have.

I was full of curiosity and couldn't just stand without knowing the things that really wanted to know.

My mom always worried that I might hurt myself badly.

She even worried that I might become crooked, so she really took good care of me.

Growing up well under the shade of my “mom,” I was badly caught in the net of “puberty.”

I heard puberty doesn't last longer than one or two years, but didn't know why mine lasted for four years.

My mom tried to persuade me and did her very best.

The more that she tried to take care of me, the more that I tried to be crooked.

But my long roaming years eventually ended by my mom’s love.

After many years had passed by I asked her,

“Mom, how did you feel when I was roaming and wanted to be crooked?”

“It was my first time I wanted to die!”

I was really surprised.

A strong mom like her wanted to die because of her child?

I somewhat felt what parents’ love towards their children was like.

Mom still worries that I might be crooked again.

If I committed the same mistake and gave her a hard time, I surely would be a bad daughter.

I would never want to do anything that would give my mom a hard time.

Still now, Heavenly Mother is hurt by her thousands and more than ten thousands of children every day.

Despite of all that, She never hates us and prays for us worrying that we might be caught by Satan’s evil schemes.

Heavenly Mother truly solely lives for children.

I would never forget Heavenly Mother’s love and proclaim that love to the whole world.

I truly want to solely live for our Heavenly Mother.

Forgetting at an instant

Forgetting at an instant
For a long time, my mom all alone raised us; four daughters.
Looking back at those years, I don’t know how she managed to raise us up all by herself.
I cannot even conceive the idea of raising four children all by myself, but I guess it was all possible for her because she was my mom.
Few years ago, my mom had a big surgery.
Though she had to rest, because of the wretched circumstances, she just had to work strenuously.
Though we all grew up and became adults, since we were busy, we didn’t know or forgot how strenuous it was for her.
When mom comes home from work, she starts doing the housework right away.
After ten, she comes to my room and talks about her daily routine.
She isn’t a talk-active person, but these days she frequently stops by and talks to me a lot.
I really wanted to be nice to her, but I was exhausted. So I tend to listen to her vacantly.
Seeing how I reacted, she would quickly end her conversation and leave my room.
When this happens, I feel sorry for her.
I always make a resolution that I wouldn’t repeat this mistake again, but it happens to me all the time.
One day, seeing her leaving my room, her shoulders seemed so small.
When I and my sisters were young, she didn’t have a moment to talk with us.
That is why we always went to her to talk with her.
Whenever we did, she never showed how tired she was.
She always listened to all what we have said, but I didn’t.
Few days ago, my mom said that she had pain in her arms and legs.
I just told her to “go to the hospital,” and when she repeatedly said that every day, I started to ignore.
When I started to think lying down my bed, it reminded me that my mom had a surgery for cancer.
I forgot that she wasn’t a healthy person at all.
I felt ashamed that I just told her to go to the hospital.
During break time in my working place, I started to search for good medicine and food for my mom.
Thinking that I simply just needed to turn on the computer and type some words, I felt so sorry.
The reason how I could grow up without any trouble was because of my mom’s sacrifice.
And I…
I always forgot about her when I turned my back, went to work, and while I was having a hard time.
At this moment, Heavenly Mother is also next to me, praying for me continuously every day, every second.
But I always forgot.
Just because of the world that I am living in, because I was busy, because I was exhausted…
I just forgot about Her.
About Heavenly Mother who came down to this earth, who is sacrificing for me.
I truly want to be a filial daughter for my mom and to my Heavenly Mother.
I want to be a filial daughter who gives joy, happiness, and smiles.